Sweden and breakfast.

I usually love visiting this country. It's a really calm place. People are friendly and eager to help you in anyway possible. The grass is really green and the air is really clean. Even in the middle of the captial city there is a serene sense to it.
Sounds great doesn't it?
It is for the most part. I have one complaint. The breakfast!!! Come on, who eats salami for breakfast. All I want is a normal bowl of cereal and some fruit. Even their cereal habbits are weird. Rather than using milk they put yogurt in it. It is not that bad, but how hard is it to supply actual milk for cereal. Odd complaint, right?
I was thinking that I would be enjoying myself by now. I guess this trip was just in bad timing. All I want is to go home, find my husband waiting on me and sleep in my own bed. I know part of it is fiction, but the other is entirely achievable. Yet, I still have 3 weeks here.
I don't want to seem ungreatful but I am just not into it this time.
This evening we are going to watch Alex play football (soccer to you guys). I am not even looking foward to leaving the room. I like just staying in bed and not doing anything. Sounds like depression to me. I just can't change the way I feel about being here. ..
I miss Mike so much. I only have 2 more days with constant internet access. After that it is going to sparadic. I really hope that I get to talk to him before I leave for Norway. Ahhh, that brings another complaint. He can't call me here. Last year I almost did not get to hear from him on Christmas. I remember being completly devastated.
I will be in the USA for Christmas this year, in fact I will be staying with his family.
Hopefully 14 weeks goes by fast...please?

Some truth...

I found this on a friends page. It is so very true. There are some things that no matter how someone tries, you have to live this life to understand. I love all of my friends for being there, for understanding or just even TRYING to understand what Mike and I go through on a regular basis. Life is not easy, but I would never trade it for anything in the world. Even though he can't hug me, kiss me, hold me at night and tell me every few minutes that he loves me DOES NOT mean that I don't know and believe it with every fiber of my being. I have learned that he doesn't have to be here for me to feel him. Waking up this morning I was a bit out of sorts. I thought I was back at home and he was waking up for work. No such luck, it was just lights shinning through the window. That is my life...

Here is that post of hers:

This is for those of us who would rather wear dog tags than diamonds.For those of us who still sleep with stuffed animals, just because he got them for us.This goes out to those of us who never lets go of her cell phone.This goes out to those of us whose heart swells with pride every time the national anthem is played.This goes out to the proud women who stand tall behind a ...United States Airman.We sit and we wait, for a letter, for a phone call, and for the lucky ones, a homecoming.Many people don’t understand this life; they say it’s unfair, they say they couldn’t do it.Well, here is our response....Do not tell us you’re sorry, or that you know how we feel.Don’t try to make us laugh when we’re sad, we don’t want to laugh, we’d rather sit and think about our men.We may not be "happy" with all of this, but we don’t mind waiting.To us, it’s an honor.We are the girls who wake up every morning with a sick feeling in her stomach; we’re the ones who just lay there for a minute to prepare ourselves for the day ahead.We’re the ones who look forward to going to sleep; because they are with us in our dreams.We are the ones you see wearing a sweatshirt or t-shirt that is 2 sizes too big just because it’s his.This is for those of us who’s best friends they have never met; we meet them on myspace or support groups.They are those only ones who understand.This goes out to the women who spend holidays alone, this is for those of us who take pictures to send to our men when we wear a cute outfit or have a good hair day.We know the real meaning of love, its not cute presents or formal dinners; its hearing his voice, it’s seeing him for the first time in many months.For those of us that know what a chow hall is, those of us that know terms like head, rack and porthole.This is for those of us who belong to an Airman.You may see us struggle but you will never see us fall.We are the few, the proud, the ones left behind.We are bonded together by the United States Air Force.Our men are brothers, a family of one.Each one of us have one of the few.We stand tall and we stand strong.We stand behind our Airmen through thick and thinWe are the girls of the United States Air ForceWe are the ones you left behind, but we are still behind you.
The Girls Behind The Men.
USAF Girls - Above All Mess with one, Mess with us all.

Have I said...

That I miss my Husband...
I really do...

Lonley, cold, Ecstatic,cranky..

..are a lot of emotions for one moment in time. I miss Mike so much, I feel kinda like I am alone all of the time. On the way here I saw Soldiers in the airport. Walking around in their camies. I knew where most of them were headed. It isn't any easier knowing that other people are going through it too. I hate that their families are enduring this too.

I am cold, because enroute to Sweden, the airline lost my luggage so I am walking around in 34 degree weather with capris and flipflops. I am ecstatic because Becky had baby Jullian finally. I can't wait to meet him. I know that he is perfect.

Finally, I am cranky because there is an ongoing financial flaw in my life. A situation that is out of my control. A situation that I did not create so therefore can not remedy. It is cause for a GREAT deal of stress in the already abundent mess of it. I would go into more detail but there is no need to.

I miss the dogs. I feel terrible about uprooting them and then leaving so soon after. I hope that they are all ok. I know Major had to go stay with Andrea. I hope he is ok. He hates other cats, and for lack of better accomidations that was our only option. I am terrified about taking them to a boaders. They could get sick or whatnot. I was hoping that he would be ok.

Enough for my ranting. I am in Europe. I am going to try to stop stressing out and have some fun. It is beautiful here..just cold...hehe.

Thank God for Friends and Good Food.

I knew that this week was going to be stress filled week of non-sense.
Let the events commerse.
I am not sleeping much still. I feel like I need him here, even after the short amount of time that he was home with me.
Despite the not sleeping, I had fun last night. I stayed the night at Becky's because I didn't want to be alone (oh and they bribed me with FOOD). Colleen and I stayed up until almost 5:30 or something absurd like that. Guess what we were doing? Its a HUGE American passtime. Not Football, or grilling out...but GUITAR HERO!!! Haha!!
It was a blast. I still totally do NOT rock even on easy, but hey strum away !!!
I know I will be exausted tonight. So hopefully a tylanol pm after work will be benificial.
Peace, Love and Chicken Nuggets :-)

And the countdown begins...

After the last post I am sure that you know Mike deployed.
Today was one of the worst days in my life.
Not only because Mike deployed but because it was the most illogically/unorganized load of crap that I have ever been subjected to.
We stayed at the squadron for over 9 hours to see my husband for less than 1, to have a rushed goodbye (which was interupted by "Squads move our HUA")
I hate this life sometimes. It makes NO sense. I do believe that I could have planned it better.
I miss him, I felt like I didnt get any time with him, I want him home, safe.
I need sleep...
COUNTDOWN BEGINS!!!

How do I say goodbye? again...

I'm watching him pack. All of this gear, bullet proof vests,sheilds, sleeping bags scattered in an organized mess on the floor waiting to go into to green bags that always smell like sewage...it kills me to see this. It would be different if it was a place where none of this "protection" was needed. Like a normal business trip. Not a war zone...
Almost time for us to say goodbye...wait..."see you later" again. It seems like yesterday I was getting ready for him to come home, cleaning the house, trying to make everything perfect...including my hair (that never did fall just right that day). It was only 3 months ago...
I watch my friends do the same with their husbands. Holding hands as if to hold on to dear life, looking at him as if to memorize his every feature.
The pain I will see in everyones eyes (including mine)as they get on the bus...
Holding hands through a small window...behind the glass our life...
The tears as we realize they wont be home tonight...
Then someone, a friend, family member or just an onlooker will remind us that it is one day closer to the day we will see them again. Slight gesture but it means the world right then.
The countdown will begin tomorrow...
Until my love returns.